:]

Have you ever wanted to give someone another chance over and over again? I am in that boat. I love my ex with all of my heart and when he called and we talked everything over, it made me wanna say that I would marry him again. But i told him that if I was single and I was able to trust him after my 3 years in college, I would be with him again and maybe even get married. The thing with Robert and I is that, I can't always be who I am. Because I am scared he wont like it or that he will look at me so different. I am always honest and tell him EVERYTHING weather its good or bad, but I still have that feeling. Only God can bring him and me closer again if it was ment to be.
Last night, I was at a family friends house with my parents. There was three girls almost a year and a half younger that I am. They were playing beer pong and drinking and smoking. Im 18 and I don't even do that shit when my parents are around. Well I don't really do that period. I have had some bad time with all that and like I can't afford to let it take over my life again. Anyways, I was sitting the the jacuzzi and hanging out with them and it was funny cause Karissa was drunk and totally gone. When I played beer pong with them, Haylee had to drink my cups since I don't drink. I was a weird night but at the same time I now know what I probably look like with I am hammered. No more drinking for me.
Besides all of that, my night was fun. I am just waiting till tomorrow to get my call from the soon to be job and from Robert. <333 Thats it.

Happy

So today being 4th of July seems to get everybody happy. Its a day where one can drink and smoke and be totally stupid. Its as if people just want to hook up and have sex, too. Oh well good for them. I have nothing to do on the other hand. I a will be sitting at home or at least waiting for my effing sister to wake her ass up so I can get ready to go with her. But hey, have a fun night.

Wow

Today was a really interesting experience. I went out with my ex's mother to the movies. My ex is serving in the United States Army. Him and I have been together for three years and before he left, he asked me to marry him. So from July 2009 to May 2010 I was planning my own wedding. Then I come to find out, he was cheating on me. So I called everything off and I was trying to cope. Lately, life hasn't been agreeing with me. My heart has been giving me time to heal and yet it still wants me to go back to him and end up getting hurt again. When I went out with his mom today, she couldn't shut up about him. She was telling me about how he is depressed and hurt. Well eff if he didn't hurt me to start out with, this wouldn't have happened. Come on, like if you plan on lying to someone that you planned on marrying, DON"T do it on Facebook! Sooner or later the other will find out and dump you. Yes, I feel bad because he is in Iraq, but what comes around goes around.
After getting home, I made plans to go out with my friend Jessica. Well when I called up my mom to ask her, I got yelled at! I have to ask my dad before her, well she wears the pants so I am used to asking her and not wanting to get yelled at, it ends up happening. So here I am, sitting at home on a Saturday night with nothing to do. Tomorrow is Fourth of July and yet again, I have NOTHING to do! I swear I am the most boring 18 year old alive.
The plus side to all of this is i start college in October and I should be getting my job on Tuesday. Gas station hours start at 5:30am. Whoot Whoot. I get to wake up early!!! Its so great.... NOT!!!!! But a job is a job. As long as I can pay for my car, my phone, and school I am good. Oh yeah, I have to pay for all of that on my own. My biological mom is totally out of the picture now and she wont help after saying she would. Oh well, I don't need her.
What a day!! haha